We have an answer to one question

Here we are. The long-awaited surgery is behind us and we have at least one part of the puzzle. There may be more to come from the other tests, but the main question has been answered for us. There’s quite a mix of feelings rattling around, but I’ve tried to condense them a little. To be honest, writing this post will probably help to condense them more than anything else!

An answer, of sorts, to the question

I don’t have endometriosis. Everything is healthy and as it should be. That is the main question that we wanted answered out of this surgery. It’s certainly a blessing to know that there’s nothing wrong. It has made recovery easier and it means we aren’t getting a negative answer on our pregnancy chances.

However, it also means we still don’t know why we can’t conceive. I’m so frustrated by that, even though I knew it was the most likely answer. I just wanted to know. If they know what is wrong, they can try to fix it. They can improve our chances a little. Maybe even a lot. But when they tell you everything is fine, it still leaves you in limbo.

Nothing left to do but wait

This was the last thing we had to try. We’ve done all the other test, medicines, diets and even exercises. Now that it’s finished, we are going to take a long break. There really isn’t anything left to do but wait and see. I’m relieved to know that we’ve done everything we can. That I don’t have to do anything else.

It’s very hard, when what should be such a simple, dare I say pleasurable, thing becomes a technical challenge. I know you other ladies on this journey know it. There’s a nice slab of guilt in there, about not being able to conceive or for not following all the pills, tests and tracking to the letter. Yes, I shall be quite glad to be rid of that.

But I also feel very helpless now. We can’t do anything else, so what are we meant to do? There is no yes or no answer, so it feels like the limbo continues. We’re not sure what to do about our future, so we’re still struggling to make a decision. Man, I just hate that waiting and that uncertainty.

Let’s see how we go

There’s nothing much that can be done, so I’ll just have to get used to waiting and trusting. It will certainly be a good lesson for me, but like all good lessons hard to learn. My husband and I will just keep praying and talking. Hopefully we will be able to figure out something. At least we know that there’s nothing more we need rush off to do.

What about my other TTC ladies? Have you reached this point and how did you feel about it?