We’ve come a long way in our renovations. After living in our home for a year, and I’m looking back over the time we’ve had here and what we’ve learned along the way. It’s certainly been an interesting time, with plenty of ups and downs.
We’ve come a long way from the flea-infested carpets, broken blinds and dirty walls. All the rooms (bare the laundry) are painted, and all the curtains are up. The flooring is sorted and I’ve just got a few more doors and window frames to paint before we can call the painting odessey over. The garden is still mainly a bomb site, but now with marginally healthier grass and slightly less hedge.
I’ve planted my first flowers, and have gotten so much joy from that handful of dahlias and my rigorous zinnias. I daydream regularly of completing the garden overhaul, whereas before I was more preoccupied with getting the dirt out of the house and a more function bathroom in.
That bathroom. Such a massive undertaking and such an improvement on what we had before. Weirdly, I occasionally have nostalgia for those cold winter nights, when I tried to wash my hair in the bath, in the cold blue light bouncing off the blue walls. While I much prefer a hot shower with good lighting, clean grout and proper storage, there is a sense of retrospective adventure there.
Nostalgia for the early days …
There are a few memories like that. I remember how we sat in our sleeping bags, on camping chairs, eating dinner off trays and watching TV in what would become our bedroom. It was so cold, because the windows were open to help me breathe with my cat allergies. Everything was dim and dingy, smelling of cat and so chaotic. But now there is a sense of adventure in my memories of those evenings.
It’s amazing how far we’ve come, how much comfort we’ve crafted. This autumn, the timer will turn the heating on before we get out of bed, in our clean room with cat-free carpets and blinds that actually work. I certainly prefer this. But it makes it even more cosy when I remember those early days here.
I like that things are becoming more what I was hoping for our home. There is a great sense of accomplishment. We’re building something together that we both like and that we hope will stand the test of time. Putting our stamp on this little patch of the world, and hopefully making things a bit better in some small way.
But also not…
That said, there are still a great many thing to do. Many of them are not ‘pretty’ and certainly not cheap. It’s easy to get overwhelmed when we look at the to-do list, and feel like we add more things than we take off. I’m impatient, and sometimes I look around the drab and crowded laundry, or the grubby garden and feel discouraged. I want to get on! Do another project! Tick off another item! But sometimes the weather is against me for painting. Often I don’t have the steam for the paint prep after a long week. Mostly, you have to wait while you try to figure out how on earth one fixes insert-random-thing-here. And saving money for the big items takes time.
That’s not so fun. Waiting, saving and putting time into hidden fixes isn’t that rewarding. Certainly this year I feel we’ve started a lot slower than previously. We’ve only done a few little things here and there. I’ve procrastinated on my door painting because the prep is just the pits. Renovating isn’t all glitzy before and afters.
In those first few months, there were many times when I missed my little rental apartment. It was clean and if there was something wrong, I could just call the real estate agent. I was close to everything in the city and getting to work was so easy. It definitely took time to feel like this place was home, that this renovation experience could be fun.
Learning about marriage as well as renovations
My husband and I also have different tolerances for things. Some elements that I really want to focus on, he feels could wait, and vice versa. Sometimes I’m stressed by something and he’s not, and sometimes he’s stressing and I can’t see why. It’s meant some less than edifying arguments at times. But it’s also pushed us to think about each other and try to balance the needs of the other, as well as the budget sheet.
We’re not just learning about what fixings you need when hanging curtains in drywall. We’re also learning how to do marriage as home owners and renovators. Which, in a sense, isn’t that different to doing marriage generally. But there are unique challenges that you navigate when you’re toilet is in the front garden and you’re sharing the laundry sink in the morning peak!
The nitty gritty of renovating can bring out your strengths and weaknesses quite sharply in marriage. It pushes you out of your comfort zone and forces you to get creative. Decision fatigue is real, and can wear you out so that little things become more difficult to bear with grace.
But it can also be a fantastic bonding experience, when you stand there, looking at your handiwork. It shows you the great qualities of your spouse. When the plaster dust settles, you can genuinely be in an even better place, if you’re willing to do the work on yourself, as well as your house.
At the end of the day, that’s the point. That you’re renovating this home together as a place for you to live in harmony. And in my book, that’s worth the outdoor bathroom experience any day.
