As I mentioned before, I was feeling confident enough to add an extra book to my list of 20 for this year. Mostly because I’m finding War & Peace a much easier read than I first expected. The bonus book was Games People Play by Eric Berne. A non-fiction psychology book from the 1970s, it was definitely a change of pace.
Bonus book plot summary
It’s nonfiction, so it’s more a premise than a plot, but here we go. Berne, a psychologist, undertook studies to understand why people do the things they do. Why do we play games with each other in social situations? Why do we do it when’s harmful to our relationships with others and detrimental to our own lives? Games People Play starts by outlining why Berne believes we do it, before covering off several of the most common ‘games’.
This was mentioned in a discussion about changing or difficult relationships. It sounded interesting, so I thought I’d dig it out and have a read. While I originally intended to start this after War & Peace, I threw it into my carry on before a flight. This whim turned out to be a stroke of luck when our flight was delayed four hours. It’s not a big book and it was all but finished by the time we arrived at our destination.
What I liked: humorous and thought provoking
Berne’s writing is delightfully tongue-in-cheek, which lightened a heavy topic. I enjoyed the funny names he gave the ‘games’ and the neat examples of each one.
It was also quite on point. Many of the games were easily recognisable. It was good to reflect on my own life, to see whether I played any of the games occasionally or often. I’d certainly recommend this book if you want to take a moment to reflect on how you approach relationships. It could be helpful to identify any weaknesses that could be improved on.
However…
What I struggled with: so much Freud
This book depends heavily on Freudian concepts, which I didn’t love. My understanding is that much of Freud’s work is no longer current and is in some sense ‘debunked’. I’m no expert. But does everything have to revolve around sex? I think not. The Freudian element let the book down in some ways. It made me question his premise more, given I was skeptical of Freud.
However, I think his work still stands, Freud aside. We may not be playing games because we have underlying sexual issues, but we do play them. It’s good to recognise when we are playing games, so we can stop. Developing honest, deep and healthy relationships is something we could all benefit from.
